A not so magical milestone.

I’ve reached it!! My magical 6-week mark where everything is meant to be back on track…… not that they were ever really off track. So, Friday came and so did my meeting with my consultant. I was excited to see him and ask all the questions. I can happily report I got the all clear, don’t pull out the party poppers just yet! We met and he said everything was going as planned, my scar is healing as it should and my exercising looks good and can be increased when I feel ready. No weighted anything until the 12-week mark but I can get back driving this week and start things off the way I want. And I can have a holiday…… they were booked 2 hours after I was told that by the way.

I told my consultant that I had been having more pain over the last week, this was normal I was told. I’ve been doing more exercise and it’s to be expected since I have probably stopped minding myself as much as I had been. Take the pain killers when I need them and ‘grin and bear it’. I was young, and I was a ‘tough nut’ so I would get through it. All positives and no surprises, happy days. As I’m sure some of you have gathered from this post not everything has gone to plan since that meeting. Friday evening, after my consultation things changed. I had been managing the pain, I could grin and bear it until that night. I’m not sure what caused it, I’m not sure if it was something I did but my pain shot up to a 10 and over. Pain, in general, isn’t something that ever makes me cry, but that night it did. I lay on my bed and cried with the pain. I felt like I had been taken back to day one of my recovery, but even worse than that. Over the weekend it came and went, I took the pain killers. On Sunday, I was able to go out for the day, myself and Martin had a lovely day in the sun, we made plans, we laughed a lot. I came home and went straight to bed, the pain back again.

All weekend mam and Martin had been asking me to go back to hospital but I refused, and I didn’t want to call them either. I don’t like getting in people’s way and irritating them when they have enough to be doing. Monday morning, I gave in. I rang the ward and got talking to a doctor. Really, he didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know, take pain killers, you’re young you’ll be fine. Throughout all of this that was the sentence I heard most ‘you’re young, you’ll be fine’, and yes, they’re right, I am young and it has helped with my recovery. But just because I’m young doesn’t meant I don’t feel pain like anyone else. It doesn’t mean that I can’t be in pain but something in that sentence makes me feel like I shouldn’t feel pain and I shouldn’t moan about it. I think this irritated me on Monday so I went to the gym. I did my normal cardio and exercising I had been doing, the words of the doctor were going through my head ‘grin and bear it’, so that’s what I did. The pain didn’t go away but I got through it. Tuesday, I went for my walk, it usually takes about 40 minutes…… I got ten minutes in and had to turn home because of the pain.

I spent my first ever day during my recovery at home on Tuesday. I sat on the couch and watched Suits on Netflix all day (first time I’ve watched a series, now I’m obsessed!!!! If anyone knows Harvey Specter send him my way!!!!!). Maybe that’s what I need (rest I mean, not Harvey Specter <3), but that’s not what I can do. Life can’t go on hold. Maybe someone else is trying to deal with their pain, and let me know if you are. This is meant to be the ‘magical’ 6-week mark, the time where I should be better than ever, but I don’t feel it. Maybe everything has been going a bit too well and this is normal. I know this has been a moany post, but honesty is the only way I know how to do this so there it is. Things can only get better from here, I’ll soon have my little Fiat 500 back and get back on the road.  Two more important matters are that soon I will be on a beach in Greece……. And I still have one more series of Suits to watch, hurray!!!

Hopefully my next post will be for more exciting, and if not then I won’t write one!!! The only thing to do is keep on keeping on, we have to get there eventually right?!?!

Image result for one step backward quotes

Photo Credit: http://likesuccess.com/img6196044

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